


the best and the worst (and a few who were a bit of both)

by usssamwell



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, and that's valid, brienne is hurt, but nothing graphic, jaime has a lot to explain, mentions of Cersei Lannister, post 8x05, reference to dead bodies, what if jaime survived
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 14:22:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18874978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/usssamwell/pseuds/usssamwell
Summary: “I had to try and save her. I thought if I could save her then-”Then maybe I could stop King’s Landing from burning, he thought, letting his words trail off. It was stupid. Stupid to think he could have stopped this from happening. That Cersei would have listened to him and surrendered to the Targaryen girl.“And did you?”“No.”-Jaime Lannister survived the Red Keep falling and managed to crawl out with his life. Just. What happens when he comes face to face with Brienne of Tarth in the streets of King's Landing?





	the best and the worst (and a few who were a bit of both)

It’s in a midst of ash and smoke when he first sees her again. A vision forcing their way through the chaos as it was made for her to conquer. Jaime believed he was imagining her at first. That he somehow was still crushed beneath rock and rubble of the Red Keep and that everything surrounding him, bloodshed and death and fire in the streets was the hallucinations of a dying man. The dust in his lungs said otherwise though, an aching throb in his chest dragging him back to the streets of King’s Landing. That was no dream of a dying man. Jaime stumbled closer towards her, dragging his injured leg in the process, unable to call out due to the ash in his throat.

The truth is Jaime was unsure what he would even say if he could have raised his voice. When he left her in Winterfell a few days ago Jaime had had no idea what he was running back in to. He just was driven by his sense of duty. To his sister, to his unborn child, to everything he had before; to Brienne. If he let them suffer and die how could he claim to be the man she thought him to be. Even if now his sister laid crushed beneath the ruins of her own making he had tried but would she understand?

Tripping over a bit of debris Jaime felt himself crumble to the ground and prayed, somehow, she’d miss him all together. 

It’s in chaos and fire when she first sees him again. Falling to his knees and choking on air. She wants to run to him, to help him to his feet and ease his pain but the sting of betrayal is still a fresh wound to her. He had left her alone and cold and crying in the dark, and Brienne found herself staring him down a second time. Making her way through the rubble with care Brienne made her way towards him, her sword heavy in her hand. The same sword he had given her, the sword she had fought with and swore to do good with. A heavy reminder to what he is. An  _ oathbreaker _ .

“You’re alive then.”

Looking up Jaime found himself staring up the blade of Oathkeeper, Brienne’s eyes locked with his own. No sign of tenderness like they had between the furs in Winterfell. Despite the fires surrounding them and the weight of how they left each other last, despite the anguish he sees in her eyes, it’s a relief to see her again. 

“Brienne.” 

Sneering Brienne tries not to let the tenderness in his welcome get to her. The way he said her name as if it was the softest thing in the world. As if they were back in her room in Winterfell, pressed together blissful and naked. As if they weren’t currently standing in the ruins of King’s Landing near the grave of his dead lover. 

“Kingslayer.”

The name cuts him worse than her sword ever could. Her voice void of emotion. As if, somehow, they are transported back to the first time they had met when she would only address him with disdain. On his knees, looking up at her, it’s all too easy to remember. 

“Jaime,” he pauses, trying not to let the words catch in his throat. “My name is Jaime.” 

Staring down at Jaime Brienne’s sword arm weakens slightly. She’s heard those words from his mouth before, escaping his throat like a rush of wind. The waters of Harrenhal lapping at her waist as she was brought face to face with the reality  good and bad aren’t as defined as she once believed them to be. It all seems so long ago. So many times since he had shown her he was more than the names slung at his feet and yet there she was using it against him again. 

He was the man that had saved her in the woods and from the bear pit. The man who spared the people of Riverrun because she asked. They had fought, and laid, side by side. He had proven to her he was a good man, an honourable man. He was the man that had knighted her. The one that had come to her bed and listened to her cry as he rode away to King’s Landing. 

Withdrawing Oathkeeper from his throat Brienne returned it to her sheath but she did not let her guard fall. Even broken and bleeding Jaime Lannister was a fighter. In Winterfell he had left her vulnerable. She would not allow him a second chance.

“Explain yourself.” 

“I’m sorry?” Jaime asked, confused.

“You once told me Ned Stark judged you guilty before he heard your side.” Brienne replied slowly. Trying to pick her words carefully. In truth she wanted to knock him down where he knelt but that did not seem right. He deserved the chance to explain him actions.  “Well I’m listening. Explain yourself.”

Jaime stared up at Brienne, tears in his eyes. She was so much better than he ever expected to be, so much better than he even deserved. Even as an interrogator standing over him. That was one of the reasons why he had knighted her. In her Jaime saw the knight he had always longed to be, had always hoped of becoming. A protector of the innocent and the just, prepared to listen to all sides first. A true servant to the Seven and to the people. It was one of the things he loved most about her. 

“I had to try and save her. I thought if I could save her then-” 

_ Then maybe I could stop King’s Landing from burning _ , he thought, letting his words trail off. It was stupid. Stupid to think he could have stopped this from happening. That Cersei would have listened to him and surrendered to the Targaryen girl. 

“And did you?” 

“No.”

“What happened?” She gritted out, the memory of his riding away in the dead of night burning in the back of her eyes. Whatever reason, whatever story, he was about to tell her it had better been worth it. 

“She died when the Red Keep fell.” He looked down at the ground. The wreckage still clinging to him. 

The walls had come crashing down around them as he had tried to save his sister from the city burning to the ground. He had felt seventeen again as he had wandered hopelessly through the tunnels trying to find an escape. After the Keep had fallen and he had come to Jaime had been able to make out Cersei’s body crushed beneath some rocks next to him. By sheer dumb Lannister luck he had survived the impossible again and everything he had worked to save was gone. She was gone.

After giving himself time to grieve the loss of his sister Jaime had, somehow, managed to crawl out of that wreckage and fought his way to the surface. Forced to leave the body of his sister behind. In the end he couldn’t save her but then, in some way, he knew that. After all these years she had turned to bile in front of his eyes. Manipulated and abused and tortured those around her, onces she supposedly loved, for her own gain. Her own stubborn lion pride. “I don’t Cersei could ever be saved.”

“Then why did you leave?!”

The unspoken  _ me _ hung in the air between them. Neither had mentioned it yet but they both knew what she meant. Why did he leave her? Winterfell? Everything he had worked towards and for? 

“I had to try.”

The sincerity in his voice pained her. Brienne wanted to yell at him. To pull him to his feet and make him fight her like they used to settle arguments. Wished he would call her wench or beast or something snide so she could argue back. She wanted her heart to stop beating inside her chest as it was about to burst from her armour. He was a stupid man. A stupid, honourable man that had left to try and save someone not worth saving because it was right. All those pages left blank because they were all too blind to see him for who he truly was.

Her anger, however, still burned inside her. The betrayal seeping in old wounds she thought she had long forgotten and shielded away inside. She couldn’t completely trust him anymore but that didn’t mean he had to die or stay in King’s Landing to face the wrath of the Dragon Queen. He had proven himself worthy of that at least.

Offering out her hand Brienne swallowed down her feelings. It was not the time to let emotions cloud her better judgement. “We need to get out of here. It’s not safe.”

Uncertain Jaime looked up at Brienne before he took her hand in his, slowly making his way to his feet. Uneasy and unbalanced he stumbled into her, mumbling an apology. The stench of blood and dust clung to him and it made her nose curl up. In silence they came together, finding an easy balance for walking through the debris to safety. 

As they stumbled through the ruins of King’s Landing Jaime knew it wasn’t the end of their conservation. In the coming days and weeks he would have to explain to her his motives, apologise for hurting her the way he did. A large part of him wanted to take her in his arms now but he knew it was not the time. For Brienne it might not ever be the time again. He had hurt her. Broken the trust he had built up over the years as if it was a child’s toy. Even if it took the rest of his life he vowed in that moment, leaning onto her side so not to fall, that he would spent his days trying to make it up to her. If she wanted to beat him or deny him or cast him away he would do whatever she asked. Even if she never wanted to speak to him again. If that, somehow, would begin to mend the wounds he had inflicted. 

He had to try.

**Author's Note:**

> I never set out to make this a kiss and make up story. I just didn't feel like that would be right to either character. Especially after recent events. Regaining trust in someone is a long road and it takes time to mend and work on things. Communication and understanding & respecting boundaries is key. It's healthy and for once I want Jaime to do the healthy thing in a relationship. 
> 
> Eventually of course I see them together of Tarth, a son named Arthur running around the island causing mischief learnt from his uncle and a little baby on the way. I don't believe in canon a wit.


End file.
